We Don't Have a Listening Problem. We Have a Believing One.
Men have stayed quiet about the Lindsay Clancy trial. What that silence reveals about how we hear the women closest to us.
The Lindsay Clancy trial is happening now in Plymouth, Massachusetts. It’s a tragic case where a woman strangled her three children and then tried to end her own life by jumping from a second-story window. Her defense team says she shouldn’t be held criminally responsible due to insanity because she was suffering from severe postpartum psychosis and was dangerously overmedicated with several psychiatric drugs when the tragedy happened in January 2023. Prosecutors, on the other hand, argue that her actions were planned and intentional.
This case has put a spotlight not only on how postpartum issues are experienced and treated, but also on how women are typically ignored and gaslit by not only the medical community but the world at large. Many women are sharing their stories on social media, and there are countless articles about it too.
But I haven’t seen many men talking about this trial. I’m not saying we need more men sharing their opinions on postpartum experiences or on how the Lindsay Clancy trial should end. What I do want to discuss is what men’s silence usually means: inactivity, indifference, and apathy.
We need more men to listen to these stories, believe them, and take action.
Men + Women’s Issues
As men, we often ignore women’s issues. Sometimes we dismiss them as “girl things” or think women are overreacting, but either way, we don’t engage with these topics as much as we should. For example, periods are rarely discussed among men. If someone does ask a man about menstrual cycles, the usual response is a shrug and, “How should I know? That’s a girl thing.” That’s the same reaction I see from men about the Lindsay Clancy trial—a collective shrug.
This isn’t surprising, since much of the world tends to ignore women’s voices and experiences. In the Lindsay Clancy trial, we see medical professionals ignoring a woman who repeatedly asked for help, saying, “I’m not well. Please help me.” And while men may dismiss this as a one-off case made by medical practitioners, we see men ignoring women in everyday life too—small moments that men believe to be unimportant and so often go ignored or ridiculed.
Take this clip as an example.
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In the video, a woman repeatedly says she’s uncomfortable but is ignored. Then, just a minute later, a man voices the same concern, and the male driver immediately responds.
Our world was built by men, for men, and to help men succeed. That’s why many institutions and careers are still dominated by men. Research shows that in many areas—work, law, politics, and medicine—there’s an “authority gap.” Women are interrupted more often, taken less seriously, and given less influence than men.
Put simply, men ignoring women is part of our culture.
So instead of ignoring the Lindsay Clancy trial, men should pay attention and look for ways to take action in their own lives.
We need men to help change our culture.
Against the Grain
In a world where many men are apathetic, choose to pay attention and try to improve women’s experiences—especially for the women closest to you. Your actions can make their lives better or worse.
The first thing you can do is listen. Women are sharing their stories about life after having children. Men often think we listen, but if we really look at our actions, we might be surprised. I know I was.
Even when we notice this in ourselves, it doesn’t mean the problem is gone. It can still show up. I’m not proud to admit it, but sometimes I question my own daughter’s version of events. We teach her that telling the truth is important—so much so that if she does something wrong and lies, we talk about why lying is wrong before we even address what she did. Still, I sometimes find myself thinking, “Is this really how things went?” after she tells me about her day. I’m better at catching these thoughts now, but they still come up, and I have to work on this.
Now, my goal when talking with any woman is to be quiet, pay attention, and really listen. That means hearing her words without immediately looking for faults or judging.
Noticing those thoughts is something I work on in my mind. The other part I work on is how I choose to spend my time.
For example, I never used to go with my wife to her medical appointments. Until five years ago, I cared more about being “efficient” than being supportive. If she was at the doctor, I preferred to be at work or somewhere else getting things done. I thought we could get more done if we split up. But I realized that “efficiency” was just an excuse. It let me keep doing what I wanted while she dealt with the hard stuff.
She told me she didn’t feel believed by our family doctor (we’ve since changed doctors) or even by the specialists she saw. While I knew how sick she was, I wasn’t convinced that the doctors disbelieved her. What I didn’t realize was that I was doing the same thing the doctors were doing—not believing her. By not believing her, I kept putting my own priorities first instead of supporting her. Her health is our problem, and I needed to take her seriously.
I didn’t put my wife’s words first, and I regret how long it took me to see that.
Going Forward
This world wasn’t built with women in mind, and changing that will take a group effort. Real equality will only happen if men take action. There’s a lot to do at the political and institutional level, but we can’t forget about what we do as individuals. For too long, I ignored my own habits and actions that made life harder for the women closest to me. I had to ask myself—and answer honestly—tough questions like, “Where am I not believing my own wife or daughter?” That’s how I realized I was holding them back.
What tough questions should you be asking yourself?
Take care,
Mike
Closing the Gap encourages men to take an honest look at how their daily actions affect themselves and the women around them. If you caught yourself somewhere in here — thinking of a moment you didn’t believe her — consider subscribing, free or paid. Both help you keep noticing these patterns until you catch them on your own.
The manosphere is well-funded because it sells men a lie that feels like it builds brotherhood: that women are playing us, that their pain isn’t real, that women say things only to get what they want. Not trusting women is the manosphere’s whole product. What we’re doing here is more honest: men holding ourselves accountable without falling into self-hatred. All paid support helps push back against that world.
I can't tell you how often this has happened in my life. "No! Don't do that! If we do that, [this bad consequence] will happen!" They totally ignore me. Immediately [that bad consequence] does happen. Then to add insult to injury, they never acknowledge that I was right. Instead, they mentally erase me from the scene even further so they don't have to admit to a woman that they made a mistake.
They won't even look at me, much less talk to me. But they get an aggrieved look on their face that seems to say I'VE wronged THEM by making THEM look bad.
This was not just one man - this was most of the men I've had to deal with in my life.
I had not been following the Lindsay Clancy trial. I was in Mexico for 6 years. I just came back to the USA and started reading about her story. I didn’t believe it. I thought it was likely that her husband had killed the three children by having each one give him a blow job, pushing their head down on his ejaculate, filling their lungs with his semen, then making the killings look like a different type. So I cautiously sent my concerns to some professionals connected with the trial and to a professor of Women’s Studies. I asked whether a sample of fluid had been taken from the lungs and analyzed. (There have been SIDS deaths written up by the doctor fathers of the dead babies with mentions of “pulmonary edema” without saying what type of fluid they had found in the lungs. Claiming “pulmonary edema” has become very common I believe in the medical community without an analysis of the type of fluid present in cases of a variety of assumed types of deaths.) And I believe Lindsay Clancy may have been the first-conceived child of her parents’ union. This means that she was probably strictly trained from birth into being extremely vulnerable both to the use of hypnosis induction syllables and to silent communication. Those trainings have globally apparently begun with a male filling the newborn’s lungs with his semen so that they would relinquish all control and be totally compliant. Ms. Clancy may have been helped over the balcony and been made to believe or been made to be willing to say that she had killed her children.